video chats

Deciding to be a Hopeful Caregiver

James S Russell3 Comments

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Lynne called me to video chat because she was bored. Her caregiver was standing by.

”I’ll be back in a little while to see what you want to watch on TV.”

That was encouraging to know. I suggested we dance to music from her Alexa dot. She liked that idea. Then a resident slowly walked behind Lynne to sort through Lynne’s bedding. Lynne turned around to see her. She said hello and called her by name, “What are you doing here?”

She silently continued browsing. I suggested Lynne help her leave the room. Instead of walking over to guide her out, Lynne walked out of the Portal camera view toward her door. Meanwhile her friend continued sorting through the bedding until she found two books. She lifted them up to eye level with one hand and shuffled away toward the door. I heard no sound. I waited and hung up.

I felt helpless. I couldn’t help her help another resident. I couldn’t help her protect her books. I couldn’t talk with her. I couldn’t help her dance.

I decided to believe in hope. Lynne was no longer bored. And she was helping a resident; and she found her caregiver to help her; and they convinced the bargain hunter to return Lynne’s books; and Lynne could browse through other residents rooms to replace her books; and by this time she was watching her favorite TV show; and we’ll dance another time.

I also decided we need to keep sending her paperbacks because we’re stocking Lynne’s whole floor.

At least I cared for me as her caregiver under Lynne’s COVID-19 quarantine.  

Sharing a Scooter on Video Chat

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This red scooter is identical to Lynne’s yellow scooter.

Lynne and I shared a scooter when she called for our nightly video chat to relieve her sundown syndrome under Covid-19 lockdown. Lynne’s friend, Leslie, sent me a photograph of a red scooter identical to a yellow one Lynne and her high school girl friends rode around Eugene Oregon. I found a way. I printed in color and pointed my cell phone camera to it instead of my face. It filled my screen. It filled Lynne’s Facebook Portal. She laughed as soon as she saw it. “There it is. We rode all over on that.” We chatted about how she didn’t tell us she bought it and hid it in a friend’s garage. I said, “That scares me to look at even now.” Thanks for the memories, Leslie.

A friend sent me a link and said he thinks the scooter is a Honda CT90. Thanks, Chuck.

Playing Hardball to Get Through This

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Lynne called last night at 10 pm, melancholy without tears. “Not sure if I can do this.”“Sure, you can. Your Grammy Helen did it. Once you get through this part, you’ll be happy. Grammy Helen was happy.”
“Yes, she was.”
Pam had phoned me about her video chat with Lynne when her boys joined in. We reminisced about Pam’s plight inhaling wildfire smoke in California. I asked her about the boys. “They’re doing fantastic,” she said.
I told her I caught an overthrown hardball at Miller Park with my bare left hand and tossed it back. The young men on the teams cheered. “You the man.” One ran over with the ball, “Sign this.”
I didn’t have a pen, so I bumped his ball with my fist. I told Lynne, “If I’d had a pen, I could have signed it as Dan Wilson. And the next time I saw him, I’d have to tell him his legend grew at Miller Park.”
She laughed. “He’d have given it to you.”
We paused. She took a deep breath, “I’m not sure I can do this.”
“Sure you can. Your first job is get some sleep.”
“I can do that.”
She headed for bed in her clothes. “You should turn off the light.”
She looked for it on the blank wall next to her shelves. “Lindy, I think the switch is by the door.”
“Oh yea.” She walked away from the Facebook Portal screen and I saw the bathroom light turn on and off. She walked back to her bed and climbed in.
I called out, “Good night.”
“Good night.”
I called the concierge who promised to have someone help her get some sleep.

As Good As It Gets for Dad

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I interviewed Candy, a friend of Lynne’s about their time together at the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation in 1996. I am grateful for her memories full of Lynne’s fun and professional skills. I sent her an image of an article about recruiting talent for the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation published in the Seattle Times on October 17, 1996 Titled, “Want to Work for Gates?” The front page was in a 11 x 17 picture frame with a photograph of recent hires when the foundation was rapidly expanding from an influx of donations. The frame was given to Lynne when she retired from the foundation to work as a special education teacher. The back of the frame was filled with farewells and signatures of her fellow workers.

Candy asked how to contact Lynne for a video chat. Lynne’s phone messages show Candy called later that afternoon at 1:27, 1:28, 1:35 and 1:35. Lynne  missed each of those calls. Candy’s persistent. She called the next day at 3:06 pm and missed  her, and finally connected at 4:02 pm for a 23 minute and 50 second phone call.

Candy sent me this email, which is how I discovered she’d dedicated herself to connect with Lynne while she still remembers:

“I talked to Lynne via video chat today.  It was so great.  She remembered me well and was really present and we reminisced about old times. I’ll call her once a week and told her she can call me at any time.

Once they open on the CV19 restrictions, I’ll do walks with her and go visit.

Thank you, thank you for this re-connection.  In gratitude, Candy.”

As Lynne’s dad, I’m unable to resurrect those intimate stories that still exist in the great majority of Lynne’s long term memory. I’m thrilled she can share good times in normal conversations with friends. I thanked Candy for her persistence I replied, “That’s as good as it gets for me right now. Thanks for letting me know.”

I asked it I could share this and she said, “Happy for you to do so.”

Trying to Remember Connections

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Lynne called.  “I’ve got COVID.”

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“I’m sorry,” I said, startled. “But you’re healthy, good lung capacity….  Hey, wait a minute.  Nobody’s called me. Someone would have called me.  I’m going to hang up and call you back.”

The concierge confirmed no residents tested positive and they’ll test again in a week. Following those results over time they could  remove restridtions.  I gave Lynne the good news. She was happy with that. We chatted a while. She said, “I can’t stop crying.”

Her camera wasn’t on so I couldn’t see her. She kept fumbling with it until she turned it on. She was pleased with herself. The chair was not in front of the Facebook Portal so I couldn’t see  her.  She started crying. “This COVID thing,…..”

“Of course you cry.  You’re in a lockdown.”

“I feel like a baby.”

 “It’s healthy to cry. You’ve got music.  You can tell Alexa to play music.”

“Oh, yea.”

“What music do you want?”

“Lyle Lovett.”

“Tell her.”

“Alexa, play Lyle Lovett.”

Alexa did.  Lynne stood up and danced.  I saw half of her dance.  She sang the lyrics and danced to her bed.  And  she cried again and sat down.

“Lynne, I can’t see you.” 

She moved the chair over. She told Alexa to stop. She saw my face. “What happened to your nose?”

How did she spot that, I wondered.? I had a bandaid because my sleep machine rubbed my the paper-thin skin on my nose and caused it to bleed until it scabbed over.  When I saw it in the morning I was  too sleepy to know what it was until I picked it off. It beld because I take blood thinner so I taped it tight to stop the bleeding.  She doesn’t miss a thing.

We chatted. The TV wasn’t on and it was time to go, so we hung up.  

She woke me up at 10:15 pm with a staff caregiver because Lynne was sad.  I tld him the Alexa was off because I couldn’t drop in on her. It was unplugged. I told him tennis was on TV so he looked for the remote and to find the channel manually. I turned on my TV.  She and I watched tennis like Karen and I used to do. We talked about Serena’s hair. I said it looked like a mop on top of her head. She said, “Its’s beautiful. It’s purple.”

It was purple.  We shared memories when she played doubles tennis in high school and won fifth in the state championshp. I couldn’t remember her partner’s name.  “Sophit. She came over here to play tennis.” 

“You have a better long term memory than I do.”

She laughed. “Dad…”

We talked until we were past tired and decided to go to bed. Nothing had worked quite right: thinking she has COVID, forgetting she could  turn on music, unpluging echo, tutning off the video camera,  crying, calling me after I went to sleep, wanting to go to bed but unable to without caregiver help and afraid to go out the door to ask.

I told her I’d call the concierge. We hung up. The concierge said  she’d go right up and get her in  bed.  

I tell myself to remember we chatted, we laughed, we cried, we danced, we watched tennis, we shared memories and we persisted.  

Recovery Plan for Bad Days

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This could become a regular lavender ritual

I’d dropped in on Lynne three times yesterday on her echo dot and she thought she’d done something wrong because she couldn’t go downstairs to see the concierge. Frustrated, I emailed her assistant director, Wanda (not her real name), to please see if one her people could cheer her up. I gave her some ideas: TV with her favorites on Amazon Prime and Netflix, a foot bath, calling me for a video chat, searching for her daily bag of trail mix attached to a photo of her sons and nieces eating ice cream. I thought she’d remember that photo.

Wanda delivered, and I thanked her for a nice video chat with Lynne last night. She called with help from a caregiver. Lynne sat with feet in the tub basin filled with lavender Epsom’s salts and a big grin on her face. They were laughing. Lynne said it felt decadent. She lifted up her foot in front of the Facebook Portal to show a wet, ruddy, healthy foot. We chatted until she stood up and wandered toward her door to ask for help getting ready for bed. We had a good night.

Wanda responded. “That was me. I had come in and out a couple times. I’m so glad it set your mind at ease. The lavender is a huge hit, this is a great night time ritual for her. We put the crickets ( her favorite) on the sound machine before I tucked her in, she seemed very happy indeed. I will make sure care staff know to make this a part of her nightly routine!”

I appreciated Wanda testing the idea and planning a regular routine. I asked if a caregiver could talk into her echo dot, “ Alexa, Drop in on Dad.” We could talk through the echoes because Lynne fiddles with the Portal during video chats: turns it off, turns sound off, and moves away from the camera. Maybe we’ll get video chats to work better again.

In the meantime I’m grateful we have staff who can give us new routines that make for healthy self-indulgence.

Leslie and Lynne’s Music Lists

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Lynne dancing to Footloose on the Alexa playlist she and Dad created over a Facebook Portal video chat.

A caregiver in Lynne’s memory care at Aegis was infected with COVID-19, halting face-to-face conversations through plexi-glass in their “Outdoor Living Room.” We are restricted to video chats, again.
Friends from high school to today have remembered she loves music and gets energized to dance. In 2017 co-workers from the self-labeled Microsoft Talent Posse remembered an outdoor Lyle Lovett concert, so they checked his schedule. He was coming in a few weeks and they went as a group. Leslie, from high school, said girl friends revved up pop hits to dance on the furniture and shout the lyrics. She saved her playlist and promised to send it to Lynne.
At our last outdoor chat, I read titles from Leslie’s interview to Lynne. She giggled at that memory. I noted ones that made her smile, or say, “Oh, yeah.” Footloose was her favorite. I created a playlist of popular rock songs from her teenage years through college.
I couldn’t play songs with her on my phone after the lockdown. It’s hard for me to make her laugh by being a funny comedian or an energizing caregiver like hero Dad’s are supposed to be. It’s a long, lonely feeling of failure when everything I say is met with a slack face and respectful silence, or statements like, “I’d better get back.” Besides, I like music too.
Alexa had to help me. Could I use my Alexa echo to create a playlist on Lynne’s echo dot? I didn’t find any way. Lynne would have to give Alexa the commands. They’re easy commands, but I doubted she could repeat them accurately. I rehearsed how to coach her and waited for her call – my calls rarely find her in her room – she busy socializing somewhere.
She called last night and leaned forward so I saw the top of her head. I fumbled through my rehearsed lines but finally got it. I said, “Tell Alexa to create a Lynne music playlist.” Lynne frowned while Alexa next to her said she’d create a playlist. I whispered to Lynne, “Say Alexa, play Night Fever.” She couldn’t remember all the words. I said it louder. Alexa played it. Lynne sat up and tilted her head, puzzled by the sudden music. I said, “Alexa add this song to Lynne Music playlist. Alexa obeyed.
Next I played Staying Alive. Lynne began singing lyrics with a smile. We added it to her playlist.
Lynne chuckled, “We’re going to get in trouble.”
I said, “I’ll bet you won’t be able to sit still at the next one, Alexa, play Footloose.” Lynne stood up and danced. I took a picture.
We played a few others. She told me I always make her laugh, and she loved me, and we’re going to get in trouble. Finally she decided it was time to return to her people and slowly walked out of her room.
I said, “Alexa, turn off.”
We had fun. But I went to sleep wondering if there was some way I could do more to fire her imagination. I miss listening to her talk and laugh. I miss her energy. She’s slipping away.

We wait to celebrate

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Fun Activities. Corona-virus. Covid-19

Happy Birthday Dad

Ten minutes before an afternoon business conference call yesterday, I phoned Lynne’s Portal. She answered in her fuzzy sky-blue cotton sweater. She picked it out at Aritzia before Christmas when we shopped at University Plaza for her surprise Christmas present. “Tell me about your day.”
“It was fun. I like it here. I feel like I’m one of the crowd.”
Some of the people were still a stitch, though. I asked if she ever says, “Alexa, play music.”
She said, “Alexa, play music.”
Alexa filled her apartment with a hit from her high school days. She laughed. She was overjoyed. On impulse I told her my birthday was tomorrow.
“It is? We’ll have to do something.”
She had to go to the bathroom. I had to hang up.
I called the concierge and asked if someone could help Lynne give me a birthday present. He liked that idea and would work on it. I scheduled a video chat when a caregiver could make sure Lynne was there. On her floor they only schedule two per day at 11:00 and 11:30 am. 11:00 am was available.
I didn’t tell him my son and his family are arriving after lunch. Maybe I can add them to my video chat with Lynne while they are driving.
Late that afternoon the medical director phoned about my email regarding Covid-19 testing. They had a professional team test every resident and caregiver in the 124 apartments on six floors. She observed every test. They hoped for results in 24 hours or so.
We wait. To celebrate.

Breakthrough Video Chatting

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Lynne talking to Dad on the Facebook Portal

We added technology to simplify communication between Lynne and family and friends. The movers set up Alexa so Lynne would say, “Alexa, call Dad.” My phone rang and we talked. She liked It. Several times a day she liked it. So did I. She filled in my empty social calendar.
Juan, the Life’s Neighborhood technically skilled activities director, insisted we could do better with a device called Portal, sold by Facebook. Lynne could say, “Portal, call Dad.” She could call every one of her friends on Facebook by using their name. Every one of her Facebook friends could call her on Facebook’s Messenger and it should ring her Portal rooted in her room, compared to her wandering phone. They could Facebook video chat on the portal’s 5” wide screen. I ordered one that seemed to arrive by the time I got down to my mailbox.
Juan installed it and we discovered a nice surprise. The Portal screen has a camera that follows her movement as she roams around the room. That’s an improvement because she disappears from her phone screen during chats.
Wow, did it work on Father’s Day with my son’s family on their patio in Bellingham. Lynne’s sons, Henrik and Simon, joined us. Lynne video chatted with us as the boys walked around to face everyone with their cell phone.
Lynne is video chatting with others. Monday a friend didn’t connect with her on a planned call but Lynne called back on Tuesday via video and they had a wonderful talk. Her friend thinks Lynne saw the call on the Portal screen and pressed her profile face to dial her back. Lynne told me her friend stopped by. Perfect! That is how we hoped it would work.
Nevertheless, Lynne told me Tuesday it doesn’t work. I do not know why. She rarely answers when I call during her active social calendar in the new neighborhood. Eventually I call the concierge to ask a care giver to connect us. They call on Lynne’s phone and I call back on Messenger+. I usually meet an unfamiliar caregiver who is unfamiliar with the Portal. I explain it to the best of my limited knowledge.
I contacted Juan who said he is thinking about different ideas to help Lynne. He agrees the simplest way is call the concierge and ask for help.
Nevertheless, we persist.

Hopes and Fears in Moving Out of Isolation

James S Russell4 Comments

Short Story 3086 words

Lynne waving from her new apartment

Two days after nothing could go wrong about moving Lynne to Life’s Neighborhood, Skylar, a caregiver on the night shift, called me at 9:00 pm because Schmitty the Kitty was out of cat food. She said, “Kim had noticed it a few days ago. Luna was going to call you, but I guess she forgot. I’ll go get some food.”

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