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Lynne has had an active life since her last hospice assessment a month ago. Friends, Patricia and Terry, from graduate school at Seattle University, were able to make their first visit. They had to overcome some reluctance because they had not visited before and were not sure they could make her comfortable. Patricia wrote me about their experience. They did well as you will see from their story.
“It was lovely to see her and how much so many people cared for her. I was deeply moved and saddened by her condition. I could feel how much and how many people love her, especially you, Jim. We had a few moments of connection and recognition. I think not seeing her every day [makes me wonder] if our visit made a difference in the quality of her life. I hope it did.”
Patricia and Terry put her in her crimson pearl ¾-length coat and walked her around nearby sidewalks, but did not think it was very far..
I responded, “You may not consider that very far, but I think she probably did walk quite a ways. I like to learn what she does when guests come over. You made a difference in the quality of her life by being there, compared to when she is left alone. When she’s more connected, she’s in a far better place.
Last Sunday, Edith, a dear friend for decades, came up from Bend, OR to join Nancy and LynnR. This is Nancy’s report, edited for brevity and clarity.
“We had a really nice time. Lynne was really emotional probably the first half an hour we were with her. She was going through real interesting cycles from anger and sadness; and hugging us real hard and pushing us away like, ‘Get away from me.’ So we gave her an iced latte, and I think that helped her a little bit.
“But the main thing was we got her outside and then she was quite happy, and we were able to take her for a good walk. Over time we eventually had ice cream and cookies and she rallied with those.
“On the way home she was walking and was singing with us. At the end we sat at the couches in main lobby awhile. Her neck was incredibly tight, so I massaged gently. Each of us gave her water and we talked for 1/2 an hour. She was very relaxed and calm when we left. It was one of those days where you kind of get a little bit of everything and we were really happy to be with her. “
Both sets of visitors were physically present, attentive to her behavior, sorting through the mystery of her disease, finding delight, getting participation and partnering with her to end up enjoying themselves. I am thankful they visited and persisted in caring for her as well as they did.
Today we had a nice surprise. After Keith was returning to Bellingham from a doctor’s appointment in Mt. Vernon, he pulled off the highway, cancelled appointments of his phone, and drove to Seattle to be with us. She was shocked with excitement to the face of her close brother show up at the dining room table. He took over from me to spoon feed her and we had a pleasant meal and walk. When Lynne turned around to walk away from us, we went back to my apartment and talked for two hours about her and helping ways we could help her sons deal with the disabling grief they are experiencing as they help care for their mother. I welcomed his experience on the help we need to give her sons.
Last Sunday Lynne had one month follow-up on her weight, which dropped from 117.4 to 114.8 pounds, a slower rate of weight loss. I texted the nurse and she wrote an order to add a 4th booster every day, but added, “It’s so hard to keep her weight up with her walking.”
I remain overwhelmed with gratefulness for the caregiving team which supports us all.
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