These are experiences from recent caregiving with Lynne over the past week, starting from the most recent. They are glimpses into the current caregiving for my ever-loving daughter, Bless you, all of you who care.
A friend who worked at Aegis sent me a card with a favorite story for Lynne. “I loved it when you always stopped at my office when you went looking for your favorite coffee cup.” I have the cup. It is a double sized cup with a message to “slow down, calm down ….” I am showing Lynne the card and the cup when I see her today.
Last night as Lynne and I sat in the lobby after ice cream, I learned my beloved older sister was found on the floor of her house after a stroke. The left sides of her face and arm drooped. They flew her by helicopter to have brain surgery to stop the bleeding. Her daughter is a nurse. She was not worried about her surgery, but was worried about her quality of her life. I told Lynne. She gasped and raised her hand to her face. “Oh no.” The concierge got her upstairs while I called my children. This morning I heard the surgery cleared my sister’s clot. She shows some deficits in her left leg. There is hope for a strong recovery.
At lunch yesterday, I brought Lynne a Starbucks vanilla Cappuccino. She downed it with the rest of her meal. Staff is trying to keep her seated because she continues to lose weight from her walking. Staff and I reviewed a problem earlier in the week when she did not get her calorie booster because the supply in her apartment ran out. The Med-Tech had not been told how to reorder it. I told him to use the Aegis supply because it is a prescription. That worked, but it did not solve the organizational problem that staff did not know what they were supposed to do. “I told everyone,” said the supervisor. I suggested a sign on Lynne’s cabinet. The head nurse said she will reorder it herself.
When lunch was over, Lynne’s friends, Nancy and Karin, showed up with a large cup of coffee and lifted her out of her chair to take her outside for a walk. She went willingly. They had a hard time keeping up with her because she was ready to go. Good walking, balance, good talking. Lynne told Nancy off a couple of times including, “You go do your own thing.”
Wednesday, Lynne’s friend Sandy from the neighborhood, walked with me though the Arboretum as she shared some alternatives to visits. She and another friend believe their current visits upset Lynne. She doesn’t recognize them and tells them to go away. Sandy is a speech pathologist who works with people in assisted living. She had some ideas from her experience. Since Lynne has tunnel vision and cannot distinguish details, Sandy suggests we show her a large blossom like a Peony in one hand without a stem. She may be able to hold it briefly. Another idea is to give her something with one of her favorite colors (blue, red) such as a piece of paper or a small pillow. She recommended a small toy breathing dog she has seen soothe one of her patients. I ordered a breathing German Shepard puppy. Sandy will keep thinking.
Tuesday night Lynne was agitated when I visited her. We walked around the floor as she talked aggressively from random thoughts in her mind. She pointed at a display of family photographs on the door of a resident. I turned my back on Lynne to look at them closely. I said it was a nice way to decorate her door. She said, “No,” and shoved me toward the door. I was off balance as I stumbled to my right, but she shoved me again so hard I fell backward into a cabinet on the wall. My forearm bled from a gash two-inches long and one-inch wide. I wrestled off her headphones as she walked the other way toward the dining area where staff could care for her. I could not. I slipped away without saying goodbye.
I am grateful for all the support she and I receive. We persist.
Damn, dad, that’s scary! Are you okay? I’ll call later today.
Holding you and Lynne in my heart. The frustration of existing in a body/brain that seems to be failing you is no doubt unbearable. Praying for your healing and continued strength and Lynne’s peace. ❤️
Jim, please keep me posted on Jane, I had no idea. Hope your arm heals quickly. Love to you and Lynne.
It seems it was a rough week. I am glad to know the prognosis is good for your sister. It’s heartening to know Lynne’s reaction to the news was so appropriate. I can imagine the pain of having her shove you and your fall. It is scary and likely hurt your feelings. We know she didn’t mean it, but the experience is still a real one. I hope you are feeling better.