I didn’t visit Lynne. I thought I should. I go almost daily. I had to do taxes. Tired. Doubts I help much. I wish it was over. Others visiting. Carol was here. I needed a break. Afraid I’d feel guilty. I don’t. Except twinges of doubt and regret.
New scratch on L’s nose is from a fall with a friend. She had fallen 2x the day we visited. She’s a walker. My mom, also a walker, cracked her pelvis on her last fall. Unrepairable. Mom laid in bed for 6 more months. We live with insoluble fear. While we sat with her she often stood to walk but gave up because Carol and I sat too close to her. She sat back causally. An anguished aide keeps considering ideas for her as a walker: A helmet? A safety suit? #alzauthors #alzheimers #caregiver #dementia
We quit playing music on a cellphone in a fanny pack on Lynne. She takes it off. It goes dead. Staff on multiple shifts & forget to put it on her. Some songs bother her. Other residents take her cellphone. I stress about it. Any ideas for us? #alzauthors#alzheimers#caregiver#endalz
Lynne is guided hand in hand by her roommate, a sweetie my age. She is more verbal and mobile. She asks me to help so the three of us walk together. She introduces me as her boyfriend and Lynne as my daughter. It’s working out well for all of us. #alzauthors#alzheimers#caregiver
Nancy and LynnrR’s visit 1/2/23: Lynne was in a happy place and did lots of giggles and smiles. We ran into her twins when we visited. Fun to catch up with these awesome dudes and see sweet moments of connection. They are twin towers of love
In August Lynne said YES after the 3rd time I asked Lynne if she wanted to grant her twins power of attorney to backup Dad. Lynne convinced the Notary she understood. The sensitive, caring men visited yesterday, confirming again, she made a good decision. They went one better by visiting me afterward to give me a gift of the top-of-the-line desk chair similar to the ones their dad got for them. They fit them to their frames. The knew I needed to replace my video gaming chair.
I ached for Lynne alone, aimless, abandoned as Carol and I dressed in our bedroom in the historic Silver Queen Hotel in Virginia City Nevada before Lacy J Dalton’s Comstock Christmas Concert at the Red Dog saloon, my gift of Christmas bliss for Carol.
Henrik, Lynne’s relentless child, regularly chanted “I can do this. Nobody knows, but I can do this” He inspired our family. I saw Lynne stop, hang her head, rest her hands on her knees until she inspired me: “I can do this. I can do this” and rose up.
Seeing Lynne in her final stage is painful at times. What helps is other caregivers caring for me. Patricia, a classmate and educator, posted this statement to me, “You raised a spectacular woman. Lynne was a fantastic educator and all-around human.” #alzauthors#endAlz#caregiver