Nancy Rides Again

#Alzheimers #Alzwa #alzauthors  #alzheimersSpeaks #endalz @ALZAUTHORS @james_s_russell

Nancy and her friends, frequently LynnR, take Lynne for regular joy rides outside Aegis. Lynne gets more boisterous on those trips than with me, which I cannot explain. Lynne’s reaction makes me worry I am missing something in caregiving. Her friends have advantages because they have been taking her on these joy rides right after Sunday lunch for months, even years. Their connection with Lynne is unique. I envy it and am indebted they frequently share it with us. Her are two recent trips.

Trip 1: We drove over to Interlaken in Seattle and parked near the paved imperial path there she wolfed down, and very much. Then we went for a good walk on the flat paved section and at one point she bent down to pick up a fern and carried it for a while. She enjoyed looking at the cute dog we passed by. When we got back to the car she got right in and then when we set the muffin on the console, she grabbed a big chunk with her hands and fold it down it was all I could do to pull the paper wrapping off before she ate that too. 

Trip 2: We had such a fun time with Lynne today she was calm and happy and agreeable. She ate all her lunch at Aegis and then we took her outside. She got right into the car on her own then we stopped at a bakery to get some treats. While we waited for LynnR to get the food and coffee, Lynne and I hung out and sang songs. She belted out the chorus of Linda Ronstadt’s You’re No Good and sang along with others. At one point when she started fiddling with the music controller on the console, I said, Do you want a different song? She said, Yes. She then grabbed her iced coffee and sucked down the last bits of that and seemed quite pleased with herself. Being in the fresh air under the trees with the smells of spring bloom wafting and sounds of birdsong is really good for her (and all of us)!

She seems to be really wanting to assert her independence and the only time she gets cranky with us is when we’re fussing with her or bossing her around. She also prefers less chatter.  We tried to give her free reign as much as possible.

She does tend to stop and brace herself, bending over and holding her knees for support. We’re not sure if it’s back pain or just her regulating herself. She drank a protein drink in addition to eating the full lunch plus our additional high fat treats, so hoping we came out on with more calories eaten than calories exercised.

Visits: Ups Downs & Ideas

Karin Lynne Nancy

These are experiences from recent caregiving with Lynne over the past week, starting from the most recent. They are glimpses into the current caregiving for my ever-loving daughter, Bless you, all of you who care.

A friend who worked at Aegis sent me a card with a favorite story for Lynne. “I loved it when you always stopped at my office when you went looking for your favorite coffee cup.” I have the cup. It is a double sized cup with a message to “slow down, calm down ….” I am showing Lynne the card and the cup when I see her today.

Last night as Lynne and I sat in the lobby after ice cream, I learned my beloved older sister was found on the floor of her house after a stroke. The left sides of her face and arm drooped. They flew her by helicopter to have brain surgery to stop the bleeding. Her daughter is a nurse. She was not worried about her surgery, but was worried about her quality of her life. I told Lynne. She gasped and raised her hand to her face. “Oh no.” The concierge got her upstairs while I called my children. This morning I heard the surgery cleared my sister’s clot. She shows some deficits in her left leg. There is hope for a strong recovery.

At lunch yesterday, I brought Lynne a Starbucks vanilla Cappuccino. She downed it with the rest of her meal.  Staff is trying to keep her seated because she continues to lose weight from her walking. Staff and I reviewed a problem earlier in the week when she did not get her calorie booster because the supply in her apartment ran out. The Med-Tech had not been told how to reorder it. I told him to use the Aegis supply because it is a prescription. That worked, but it did not solve the organizational problem that staff did not know what they were supposed to do. “I told everyone,” said the supervisor. I suggested a sign on Lynne’s cabinet. The head nurse said she will reorder it herself.

When lunch was over, Lynne’s friends, Nancy and Karin, showed up with a large cup of coffee and lifted her out of her chair to take her outside for a walk. She went willingly. They had a hard time keeping up with her because she was ready to go. Good walking, balance, good talking. Lynne told Nancy off a couple of times including, “You go do your own thing.”  

Wednesday, Lynne’s friend Sandy from the neighborhood, walked with me though the Arboretum as she shared some alternatives to visits. She and another friend believe their current visits upset Lynne. She doesn’t recognize them and tells them to go away. Sandy is a speech pathologist who works with people in assisted living. She had some ideas from her experience. Since Lynne has tunnel vision and cannot distinguish details, Sandy suggests we show her a large blossom like a Peony in one hand without a stem. She may be able to hold it briefly. Another idea is to give her something with one of her favorite colors (blue, red) such as a piece of paper or a small pillow. She recommended a small toy breathing dog she has seen soothe one of her patients. I ordered a breathing German Shepard puppy.  Sandy will keep thinking.

Tuesday night Lynne was agitated when I visited her. We walked around the floor as she talked aggressively from random thoughts in her mind.  She pointed at a display of family photographs on the door of a resident. I turned my back on Lynne to look at them closely. I said it was a nice way to decorate her door. She said, “No,” and shoved me toward the door. I was off balance as I stumbled to my right, but she shoved me again so hard I fell backward into a cabinet on the wall. My forearm bled from a gash two-inches long and one-inch wide. I wrestled off her headphones as she walked the other way toward the dining area where staff could care for her. I could not. I slipped away without saying goodbye.

I am grateful for all the support she and I receive. We persist.

Visitors Helping Lynne and Dad

#Alzheimers #Alzwa #alzauthors  #alzheimersSpeaks #endalz @ALZAUTHORS @james_s_russell,

Lynne has had an active life since her last hospice assessment a month ago. Friends, Patricia and Terry, from graduate school at Seattle University, were able to make their first visit. They had to overcome some reluctance because they had not visited before and were not sure they could make her comfortable.  Patricia wrote me about their experience. They did well as you will see from their story.

“It was lovely to see her and how much so many people cared for her. I was deeply moved and saddened by her condition. I could feel how much and how many people love her, especially you, Jim. We had a few moments of connection and recognition. I think not seeing her every day [makes me wonder] if our visit made a difference in the quality of her life. I hope it did.”

Patricia and Terry put her in her crimson pearl ¾-length coat and walked her around nearby sidewalks, but did not think it was very far..

I responded, “You may not consider that very far, but I think she probably did walk quite a ways. I like to learn what she does when guests come over. You made a difference in the quality of her life by being there, compared to when she is left alone. When she’s more connected, she’s in a far better place.

Last Sunday, Edith, a dear friend for decades, came up from Bend, OR to join Nancy and LynnR. This is Nancy’s report, edited for brevity and clarity.

“We had a really nice time. Lynne was really emotional probably the first half an hour we were with her. She was going through real interesting cycles from anger and sadness; and hugging us real hard and pushing us away like, ‘Get away from me.’ So we gave her an iced latte, and I think that helped her a little bit.

“But the main thing was we got her outside and then she was quite happy, and we were able to take her for a good walk. Over time we eventually had ice cream and cookies and she rallied with those.

“On the way home she was walking and was singing with us. At the end we sat at the couches in main lobby awhile. Her neck was incredibly tight, so I massaged gently. Each of us gave her water and we talked for 1/2 an hour. She was very relaxed and calm when we left. It was one of those days where you kind of get a little bit of everything and we were really happy to be with her. “

Both sets of visitors were physically present, attentive to her behavior, sorting through the mystery of her disease, finding delight, getting participation and partnering with her to end up enjoying themselves. I am thankful they visited and persisted in caring for her as well as they did.

Today we had a nice surprise. After Keith was returning to Bellingham from a doctor’s appointment in Mt. Vernon, he pulled off the highway, cancelled appointments of his phone,  and drove to Seattle to be with us. She was shocked with excitement to the face of her close brother show up at the dining room table. He took over from me to spoon feed her and we had a pleasant meal and walk. When Lynne turned around to walk away from us, we went back to my apartment and talked for two hours about her and helping ways we could help her sons deal with the disabling grief they are experiencing as they help care for their mother. I welcomed his experience on the help we need to give her sons.

Last Sunday Lynne had one month follow-up on her weight, which dropped from 117.4 to 114.8 pounds, a slower rate of weight loss. I texted the nurse and she wrote an order to add a 4th booster every day, but added, “It’s so hard to keep her weight up with her walking.”

I remain overwhelmed with gratefulness for the caregiving team which supports us all.

Dad in Live Interview

JOIN US FOR OUR UPCOMING LIVETALKS
A Daughter’s Alzheimer’s Diagnosis
Being Patient.com will speak with James Russell about his daughter Lynne’s early-onset Alzheimer’s. As part of our LiveTalk series, James will share the ways Alzheimer’s has affected their family, and his gratitude for all those who have supported them along the way.
RESERVE YOUR SEAT: Thursday, May 18th at 2:00 p.m. PT / 5:00 p.m. ET

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Adding Weight to ThinLynne

On April 22nd the Hospice nurse qualified Lynne for 60 more days of Hospice, primarily because her weight continued to decline from 130 pounds to 120. She steadily lost the vigorous active muscle she had as Alzheimer’s inevitably drained her strength into fragility. Otherwise, she had minimal pain with moderate moods and no seizures.

Her weight loss left me helpless. I had fed off her energy whenever I was around her. Now I fed off her fear she would lose her balance as she had in several several falls. She was nervous about holding onto the arms of a chair to sit in it. I did not like to take photos of her because she looked like she was looked frail and fearful.

Lynne’s weight also threatened Lynne’s agreement to donate her remains to the UW Willed Body Program and the Alzheimer’s Disease Research Center for Alzheimer’s research, instructional courses, organ donations, and cellular research. She was proud of her generous contribution. However, a week earlier a representative of the Willed Body program informed me Lynne should weigh at least 100 pounds to be accepted into the program. I shuddered at the idea of them rejecting her and walking away. Their possible rejection meant we had to have a disappointing and unpleasant backup plan. More importantly, one hundred pounds loomed like a pitiless pit. The Hospice nurse was not aware of that limitation, but she was already upset with the weight loss. Lynne needed more strength and energy. Vibrancy would help her moods. The Hospice nurse had written an order to boost her calorie and protein intake three times a day. She would follow up to see if it was done. She thought caregivers had to record boosters on the MedTech’s daily report. I was thrilled. We could manage her weight instead of fearing she would totter on the edge of that pit.

On Monday the 25th I went up on Lynne’s floor when she was sleeping. I explained to the MedTech and a caregiver the importance of the nurses order to give her boosters to stabilize her weight, give her more energy and avoid 100 pounds. They were unaware of the nurse’s order and had not given Lynne boosters. I asked if they recorded boosters. The MedTech was new and not sure about recording boosters. The night nurse said they had not received an order.

The MedTech stepped back from her computer and looked at us. “I think they should give her more food anyway. She is always hungry and eats everything we give her.”

“Really,” I asked in surprise? I looked at the caregiver.

“I think she should get more food also.”

I turned to the night nurse. “How much additional food could you give her if she is always hungry?”

He shook his head in amazement. “I couldn’t give her additional food without talking to the Hospice nurse first. But I’ll look for the order and talk to her tomorrow.”

I left a message for the Hospice nurse. First thing in the morning the Aegis Medical Director waved me over. “We got the order today and sent it to the pharmacy for delivery. We’ll give it to her every day and record it. She got it today already.” The nurse and the floor supervisor said they would also give Lynne snacks when she appeared hungry.

Four days later Lynne stood in the hall looking at the wall until I called out. She turned unsteadily and uttered an “Oh,” with a smile pushing up her cheeks to chase away the sorrow as she spread her arms out to hug me. Her hug was so tight she almost tipped me over backwards. She sobbed and kissed my lips through my Covid mask.

I whispered, “It’s OK, I’m here now. Want to eat some frozen yogurt?” I wanted her to rest. She held my hand as we walked to a table in the memory care dining room. A young, spritely caregiver asked if we would like tapioca or yogurt.

“May she have both?” I wanted to get as many calories in her as possible.

“Sure. I’ll get you a spoon.”

I wanted to know if caregivers knew the boosters were delivered to the floor and whether Lynne had gotten them. “Did Lynne get her three boosters today?”

The spritely one said, “I didn’t give her one since I came up.”

The young, mobile MedTech stood at his computer on the medical cart. “I did not give her one either, but I’ll check.” He flew his fingers over the keyboard.

I wanted to learn more about what they knew. “Did the boosters get delivered?”

“Oh yes.”

“I’d like to see one. I want to know how many calories they have.” She opened the medicine refrigerator and gave me one. 250 calories.

The MedTech stared at his screen. “Yes, she was given three boosters today.”

I flexed my arms and chest muscles in a silent celebratory, ‘Yes!”

I spoon fed Lynne in between the times she gazed across the room ruminating on unknown thoughts, occasionally punctuating them with fist pumps. Other times she would close her eyes and rest her head rest on the back of the chair. She ate all 125 calories from Swiss tapioca pudding and 70 calories from Creamy Yogurt. We had boosted her intake about 1,000 calories. Success. I felt we might have the power to control her weight loss.

In a foolhardy flash of euphoria, I asked her, “Am I still the greatest dad in the world?” Long ago she had given me a t-shirt that said, “Best dad in the galaxy.” At Aegis she had told me I was the greatest dad in the world. She had told staff. Staff had told me she said it. They told me I was. But I had not heard it for a while. And I did not feel I was the best dad in the world Lynne after I had accepted her grave weight loss. I needed her assurance.

Lynne answered, “Yep,” with a firm nod of her head, emphatically emphasizing her feelings with an indecipherable exclamation while pointing upward with her left hand. The certainty of her sweet “Yep” surged through my ears to choke up my throat, swell my chest and send oxygen to warm my heart. She rekindled my confidence in Dad’s care for her. She convinced me, not with the sweetness of her certainty, but with the swiftness.

Podcast about Lynne’s Care

I hope you will be interested in an interview with Jim Russell for a Podcast about all the care Lynne receives. The Podcast is a production of the University of California Irvine Institute for Memory Impairments and Neurological Disorders (UCI MIND). They are the University’s center for aging and dementia research, with our faculty seeking to understand the causes leading to neurological disorders such as Alzheimer’s disease. They had thoughtful questions added information for me. I hope you enjoy it.

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1589794/10294312-caring-for-a-child-with-early-onset-alzheimer-s-disease-with-jim-russell

Memories from Miles Away

Even though Susan lives thousands of miles from Lynne, she shared personal stories deep from her heart as a gift for Lynne. I shared the stories with Lynne and her boys, wondering how much Lynne would remember in her dimming light. She remembered Susan and so did the boys. We caregivers benefitted from those stories more than I expected. I have edited the three stories for brevity and clarity for you readers. After the stories I’ll summarize what they meant to us.

Lynne’s Office.  Early days working at Microsoft as recruiters, Lynne and I took an extra hour at our desks after the frenzy of candidates had left for the day to celebrate a hire or commiserate a no-hire. I would find myself walking to Lynne’s dark office with only her desk lamp on. It looked really calm in there. Her desk was always cleaner than mine. She was surely on top of it all. I wanted to be with her in her office in the soft glow of calm and confidence. She always greeted me with a smile for a quick chat that sometimes turned into an exceedingly long chat. We mostly laughed and talked about the “big nerds” we loved and how overwhelmed we were.  That shared experience proved foundational over 30-plus years. Somehow recently, I remembered to remember that gift, her gift, just down the hall from me day after long day.

Baby Roses. Early in 1997 Lynne shared she was pregnant with Henrik and Simon. IShe was in the very early days when doctors tell you not to tell anyone. She told me in the strictest confidence. I was overjoyed for her and Clemens. Lynne was beaming with happiness. It was contagious. I bought them flowers, baby roses to be exact, because Lynne always had a batch of fresh flowers from her garden, so another fresh batch would not indicate any celebration. I remember being proud I found a way to celebrate with her while not projecting her secret. It was our “inside joke.” What strikes me today is I didn’t care if my gift was premature. Her smile when I delivered the flowers said Lynne was delighted someone could simply join her in her joy. Not overthink it. Just enjoy that moment.

Saving a Stranger Dog. One day Lynn and I came across a large shepherd mix awake but not moving in the middle of a dirt road. We were on a hike, a girls getaway. Our heart sank when we realized this dog would likely die. Lynne got her car and together we loaded it into the back of the van. It had hundreds of ticks in its skin. I asked Lynne if she wanted a tick infested dog in her car. She looked at me and said no problem. The shelter tried to find the rightful owner. A few days later I called Lynne and much to my surprise, she was seriously considering adopting this dog, from a rural existence with so many ticks. I thought, Of course Lynne wanted this dog. This was one of those times that as Lynne’s best friend , I forcefully shared my concerns given her full house with kids, dogs, and cats. She was frustrated, maybe at me, I don’t know. I don’t recall speaking of that dog again. It never moved in with her.

I’m not sure Lynne remembered those stories, so it was a blessing for her to to hear them again. The boys enjoyed the memory of Lynne’s friendship with Susan through a lasting relationship, secret pregnancy celebration, and protecting Lynne’s family from self-inflicted trouble due to her overwhelming compassion. Those memories now live with her boys. I have vowed to share those stories with the boys. I don’t have those stories, friends do. And by sharing them in a network of sharing and posting, friends can see ways to care for all of us by sharing memorable stories with Lynne.

Lynne’s Crowded Table

The Sweet Savor of a Garden
Lynne’s Garden
Lynne When the Day is Done

Sunday Nancy and their friends drove Lynne through the red, white, and pink cherry blossoms in the Arboretum. She got in and out of the car more easily since she has gone for more rides. She talked. She expressed interest in going back to the Volunteer Park Conservatory. They walked through the green ferns and red flowers crowding the path with the sweet savor of nature compared to the sterile walls of Life’ Neighborhood.

Sunday Edith sent a song called Crowded Table written and performed by Brandi Carlile and her group the Highwomen. Edith was listening to music as rode her bike at the base of the Three Sister’s Mountains in central Oregon. “The lyrics remind me of the friendship shared and the journey with Lynne. That’s all I want,” thought Edith, “a crowded table. I was sobbing so hard I had to pull my bike over.” She sent the title of the song and lyrics to their friends and me hoping Lynne could hear it.

Our Thin Strong Lynne

The boys take her for drives daily now to get ice cream according to the concierge. They remark about presence is memorable compared to frail octogenarians surrounding Lynne in the lobby. Lynne’s thin body strengthens with the movement, hugs and talks with her boys.

She is blossoming with it. Sunday night she greeted me with a smile and reached out. She said, “I am happy.”

I choked up instead of saying something like, of course, or wonderful. Aegis activities and friends visiting fill me with deep appreciation compared to my solo activities. They’re more creative and the multiple bodies make it more comfortable for Lynne.

Nancy sent us all a cheer. Great Job Team (Lynne’s crowded table)!

Monday morning my eyes had tears when I read Crowded Table lyrics and pictured Edith sobbing on the side of the road. I downloaded it to Lynne’s Pandora song list. Crowded Table was the first song Lynne heard Monday when I put on her headphones.

Lyrics for Crowded Table by Brandi Carlie and the HIghwomen

You can hold my hand
When you need to let go
I can be your mountain
When you're feeling valley-low
I can be your streetlight
Showing you the way home
You can hold my hand
When you need to let go

Yeah, I want a house with a crowded table
And a place by the fire for everyone
Let us take on the world while we're young and able
And bring us back together when the day is done.

If we want a garden
We're gonna have to sow the seed
Plant a little happiness
Let the roots run deep
If it's love that we give
Then it's love that we reap
If we want a garden
We're gonna have to sow the seed

Yeah I want a house with a crowded table
And a place by the fire for everyone
Let us take on the world while we're young and able
And bring us back together when the day is done

The door is always open
Your picture's on my wall
Everyone's a little broken
And everyone belongs
Yeah, everyone belongs

I want a house with a crowded table
And a place by the fire for everyone
Let us take on the world while we're young and able
And bring us back together when the day is done
And bring us back together when the day is done

Alzheimer’s Walk Reunion

Jim Russell will be on nationwide video presentation to promote the Alzheimer’s Walk in the Fall. I will be on the presentation and invite you to join us, or record it for later viewing. Sign up below to register or record.  Thanks for all the support you give to Alzheimer’s Association

Save the Date: 2022 Walk Video Reunion on April 6   10: AM PDT  and at 2.00 PM PDT

Join Alzheimer’s Association® volunteers, team captains, and participants from across the nation who are excited to be part of the Alzheimer’s Association Walk to End Alzheimer’s®! Hear their inspiring and motivating stories while learning more about this year’s Walk and how the Alzheimer’s Association is continuing to provide crucial programs and services to all those affected by Alzheimer’s disease and other dementia.

RSVP NOW

Can’t make the reunion? Fill out the RSVP form and we’ll send you a recording. We look forward to kicking things off with you! Together, we can end Alzheimer’s disease.

Sunday Funday Girlfriend Outing

by Nancy Hilpert

Two best friends of Lynne, Nancy & LynnR, transformed her from rigid advanced Alzheimer’s into lively outdoor activity. Lynne’s response thrilled me, and humbled me, because they enlivened her more than I believed could happen. Nancy’s story tells us how.
My friend LynnR and I had texted ahead on Saturday to coordinate our plan for today, and were expecting the morning fog to clear into a Sunny day by 1PM, and so we timed our visit with the sunshine. We talked about driving Lynne out to Dairy Queen (one of our favorite work haunts from the good old days in Redmond) or maybe to the Capitol Hill Farmers Market that she always loved so much. The day wasn’t looking very promising as far as sunshine goes until I arrived at Aegis, running a tad late, but just as I arrived the clouds started parting and the sun was burning through. LynnR had gone in ahead and was bringing Lynne down from the Memory Care floor just as I entered the lobby. As the elevator doors opened and I saw it was them, I stepped forward to greet them, they both smiled, and I cherished that moment of being remembered by dear friends. I won’t take it for granted.

I had parked in the garage and it turns out this made it easier for Lynne to get into the car, taking the elevator down is easier then when we park on the street, since navigating over curbs is difficult for her now. Her eyesight is limited to straight ahead and she tends to keep her head lifted up and back, with her chin elevated into what I tease her is her ‘haughty bitch’ look–this always makes her laugh. But today with her head so high, she can’t see where she’s going, she can’t even see me. I make a “short-person” joke, since let’s just say LynnR and I are on the ‘petite’ side and our long legged Lynne is definitely ‘grande’, and ask her if she can look down more to see us. She giggles and agreeably says “I’m trying,” with a happy but slightly confused tone…she doesn’t understand exactly how to make it happen with her body. I asked her if I could help her move her head down, and she said, “sure” and so I held her head with my hands and tried to gently guide her head forward and down, to drop her chin a bit. She was able to do it, and I asked if it hurt and she said no. But after a few moments, her head had returned to its prior posture. Just one of the mysteries…

Lynne was talking about loving flowers and so we decided to stop by Volunteer Park which has at this moment in full bloom a hillside draped in with thousands of daffodils, yellow, white, cream, and combinations of all three colors, it’s just stunning. We got the car to a wide open area where LynnR could help Lynne get out–the getting-out goes slow but better than the getting-in back at the garage. She moves slowly and is cautious backing up and just moving in general, but sitting down into a car requires her to drop down behind into a seat she cannot see. It feels strange and a little scary to her, so LynnR and I work together to help her find her legs, and turn her body so she just needs to drop down sideways into the front seat, then we’ll lift her legs and swing her body around to face forward, was the plan. Which we did accomplish, after much effort, and helping her move by touching her legs or whatever needed to move and reminding, lift this left leg, ok good, now lift the right, a small step. Ok, now, we’re turning around, as one of us guides her hips/legs and the other shoulders/torso.
In the park she loves the fresh air and the bird song, and she notices “Brrrr, it’s cold” when we’re in the shade and the breeze comes up, and she notices “this is nice,” “this is warm” when we walk in the sunny patches of field or sidewalk. We do show her some pretty bulbs in bloom but we can’t get her to the biggest stands where they cover an expanse of hundreds of feet, massive stands covering a hillside embankment. It’s too far for her to walk these days, and we fear she wouldn’t be able to see. But she loves being out in the fresh air and feeling the sunshine.

Her hearing is heightened –she notices the sound of the airline jets firing overhead as one passes thousands of feet above us and comments, “wow that’s loud” pointing upward at the sky. What sounds like a distant rumble to me is loud and jarring to Lynne’s ears. We notice this at other times: when a car passes over a grate which rattles loudly she jumps back, her shoulders clenching and her hands up around her ears. When I play music, Dolly, the first one I hit, Jolene, I realize isn’t really one of her faves as the first verse begins with it’s heavy guitar riff, and she says ‘Not that’ and so I say Islands in the Stream and it’s a definitive “Yes!” Then it’s I Will Always Love You, which gets us both singing and humming. That’s what we’re doing while we’re parked blocking someone’s drive on Summit Ave, waiting for LynnR to return from the Top Spot Donut shop with an iced coffee for Lynne and a selection of donuts to include an apple fritter, a maple bar, and a double chocolate donut. Lynne still knows what music she prefers and can tell me and I’m so grateful for this. She is connecting through the basic channels that remain for her, and we are learning to adapt. Re-tuning our receivers to be able to experience life on her bandwidth. She is still teaching us.

LynnR returns having secured all the goods. We’ve learned over these months of visiting that caffeine and sugary sweets are great for Lynne–she loves consuming them and we notice that they perk her up and so to speak ‘improve performance.’ And so we head over to the Capitol Hill Sunday Farmers Market to hang out in the adjacent park which is always full of young people and families and dogs and live music. I drop them off at the park and then find a parking spot a few blocks away. When I get back into the park I see them sitting on a bench in front of the fountain. From here we have a full view of all the happenings in the park and the people passing through on the promenade while we break pieces of the pastries into bite sized chunks and feed them to Lynne alternating between the three flavors and her iced coffee.

A local rock band is howling a low mellow grunge and the sun is really burning now and the sky is clear blue and there are birds chirping and calling and jumping in the bushes all around us and there are seagulls swimming overheard in the sky, chasing each other, and the water flowing in the fountain is making that pleasant white noise and the dogs are barking and the kids are laughing and the couples are wooing and the babies are napping and the hot guys are showing off their muscles w their long shorts and tank tops. And Lynne is noticing and commenting and pointing and getting excited and animated and stimulated by it all. “There’s a baby,” she says with that gooey never-met-a-baby-she-didn’t-love tone that is so hers. She’s watching the dogs play, pointing and laughing ,”look at them, so fast, he ran!, goof, hah, dogs” and smiling. The music is good and she sways and I jump up and dance a little and she’s swaying a bit to the beat and saying about the band “these guys are good” and “so Seattle, grunge” and we’re agreeing with her as we hum along to their happy-sad grungey-guitar heavy-bass tune feeling happy-sad to be in the sun now, knowing that it’s only here for short while before more cold and rain and dark.

All of a sudden Lynne is talking louder, her body is animated, she’s leaning toward the walkway and pointing. There is a new-old energy emanating. She’s shining, flashy, magnetized. I look to where she is pointing towards a pack of thirty something guys: fit, good looking, hard bodied, brown skinned, en forme, and yes, super hot. She is saying words and I am hearing excitement, attraction, flirtation. She’s being randy! We love it. I tease her, you think those guys are hot don’t you, and she laughs loudly and nods her head in agreement, “Oh yes!” and I say, they do look pretty strong and big and we joke around about her taste in ‘big guys’. More pass by and she points them out as well. LynnR notices she likes being around these younger people, and Lynne agrees. As we get up and walk toward the car, we pass near the band. Lynne is swaying a bit and humming the music. She is now walking much faster and with a surer footing than before. The caffeine and sugar are kicking in. We pass over the field where the dogs play, chasing balls and each other across the long expanse of grass. We pass by an area with swings and Lynne points interestedly, and I hear “Swings, love that, fun.” When I ask if she wants to go swing she says “why not” playfully and so we do. They have these fancy swings made of synthetic shells that have full bucket seats and a safety bar. Lynne was able to sit down into that with both of us encouraging and helping and then LynnR pushed her from behind Lynne swinging back and forth with her long legs never leaving the ground but her body getting the feeling of the wave motion and her legs got exercise as they bent and rose with the swing. She loved it. After a while we walked back to the car and this time, when LynnR opened the door and started to help position Lynne, she was able to just spin on her feet and tuck in like a pro and sit down with very little assistance.

After I dropped LynnR and Lynne back at her care home, I took a moment to resonate with how good it is to be with my friend Lynne and have the support and partnership of LynnR for these Sunday visits. And of feeling grateful for Lynne’s family and our whole friend network all who help in whatever ways they can. Then I called Jim to check in. I sent him a couple of photos from our outing. He answered and he updated me on his earlier time that day with Lynne. It was a hard morning. But as always he’s using what he sees to collect data, to see gaps and triggers in her care, to ideate solutions, ask for help, and to educate and communicate with the staff. He sounds a little tired and I know how hard he works to keep Lynne’s circumstances as good as possible while keeping her safe and well resourced. I’m glad to call him and share the fun and engagement we’ve had w/ our girlfriend outgoing today.
I told him about all the things we did –except the swings, I forgot the swings part, so that’s a fun surprise for him now! I reported back on how she continues to be more verbal now that they’ve changed up her meds based on Jim’s direction working with Lynne’s doctors. And I’m realizing that even when I don’t make sense of her words, that she knows that I’m listening and maybe that’s all she needs at that moment. And at times when her words suggest, and direct us, we can pay attention to all the additional communications signals through energy, touch, posture and presence in addition to words. It’s a reminder to meet her where she is. And to keep trying, even when she seems to be losing capability, because if we get discouraged and stop trying, then she slides that much faster.
And since she is enjoying the experience, she is getting challenges and practice and it helps her stay connected and to feel involved and to be in the world living as a member of the whole community. Which is how she always was and wanted to be. She of course will continue to progress in her condition but in the meantime we can still give her the dignity and joy of being in the world as she would have been otherwise. We get as much out of these visit as Lynne does, and it’s this sweet time together that provides the honey to go with the bitter of this situation. Making memories and enjoying the fullness of life and friendship together–that’s what these Sunday girlfriend outings are all about!